Marriage: Understanding Personality and Compatibility

A marriage works when the spouses are compatible and compliment the other. Some people misunderstand “compliment” as “to complete,” that is, to bring what the other does not have. Marriage is not a magnetic pole in which you think the North and the South poles magnetize and attract. Marriage is not a battery where you need the positive and negative to charge and produce energy.

Marriage is a partnership, an emotional relationship, not a business partnership. It is not like bringing two people with different aspects of a business for a successful enterprise. Marriage requires the parties to relate to the emotions of the other and predict what will make the other happy. Why? Because the same thing will make you happy.


Marriage is birds of the same feathers flocking together. If you are not socially outgoing, why marry someone who is socially outgoing? Do you prefer to stay home while your partner goes out? Do you think you will be happy if you forego one of your core characters just to please another person? Both of you may like football. Do you both prefer to go to the stadium or would you rather stay home and watch the game on TV? This is just one example. Let’s try another.

Opposites May Attract But Doesn’t Last


You meet someone who is conservative and likes to preserve the status quo. You are progressive and like pushing boundaries. How do you plan to happily “compliment” each other as one wants to preserve the status quo, and the other wants to push boundaries? Don’t you think your relationship will face a lot of conflicts? Remember your soul cannot love what it hates.


My opinion, based on research, is that when you share the same basic characteristics with someone, you have a good foundation upon which to build or discard acquired tastes. Do not confuse basic personality traits with acquired tastes. While you can discard what was learned or acquired without emotional repercussions, to sacrifice your basic character traits is to sacrifice a portion of your core being and your happiness.


Know yourself first. If you cannot recognize your own soul, heart, and truth, you cannot recognize them in another person.

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